Holland Crew Football

Luckily both of these guys found new jobs. So they don't have to gameplan for Terrell Pryor Thursday night.

The 2010 college football season starts in two days, people. Two flippin’ days. Four ranked teams hit the field Thursday night, including USC (Curse you Reggie Bush!), Miami, and Ohio State. The Buckeyes take their first step on the road to a possible title by facing Marshall, the team Matthew McConaughey and Jack from “Lost” used to coach.

The beginning of any season means you don’t have to look far to find columnists and bloggers churning out meaningless predictions that will ultimately make them look like idiots by January…if not Week 2. Well, far be it from me to disassociate myself with those losers. Except that everything I mention below will actually happen. So without further ado, I present my “bold” predictions for the college football season.

Let’s start with Texas:

• Garrett Gilbert will only merit Honorable Mention All-Big 12 Honors after throwing for 3,000 yards and 23 touchdowns. I will cry foul and demand an immediate re-vote by the coaches. No one will take me seriously…except maybe my son, who will be sporting his Gilbert jersey for the first time Saturday at Reliant.
• Despite being named starter in game one, Cody Johnson will not end the season as the leading rusher for Texas. He will, however, lead the team in touchdowns with 13 and Jerome Bettis jokes with 105.
• Mike Davis will be the most exciting freshman receiver at UT since Roy Williams. He will be a full-time starter by Week 5. (Remember this when you are wondering “Who’s the receiver wearing the #1 jersey?” on Saturday.)
• Texas will shut out at least one opponent and lead the Big 12 in scoring defense. Will Muschamp will do that jumping chest bump thing with Sam Acho more than any of us are comfortable with.
• D.J. Monroe will return three kickoffs for touchdowns and not get arrested even once.
• The Longhorns will lose in Lincoln, but beat Nebraska in the rematch at the Big 12 Championship, finishing the season 12-1 and playing in the Fiesta Bowl. I will celebrate by purchasing copious amounts of Tostitos products.

We sure will miss you after this season, Bo. Nobody refuses to be asked legitimate questions by the media quite like you.

Around the Big 12:

• Texas A&M will lose back-to-back games to Arkansas and Oklahoma State, but bounce back to upset Oklahoma and Nebraska in College Station. Yeah, they’ll be that team.
• Robert Griffin will lead Baylor to a 7-1 start, looking like a Heisman contender before hitting a tough late stretch versus Texas, A&M and OU. When those games are over, he’ll look like an Alamo Bowl MVP contender.
• Texas Tech will finish 5^th in the Big 12 South, leading Red Raider nation to long for the days of pirate-themed offices and fat little girlfriends.
• Other than Nebraska (and maybe Missouri), the North division will flat out suck. But I’m sure Kansas State will find a way to scare the crap out of Texas. That seems to be a given. Speaking of which…
• I’m calling my shot. Easiest gambling cover of the year – Kansas State as an underdog at home to UT on November 6^th. If I didn’t have tickets to Weird Al Yankovic that weekend, I’d book a flight to Vegas. Don’t judge.
• Jerrod Johnson will put up HUGE numbers for Texas A&M, but it won’t be enough to get them beyond the Holiday Bowl. That’s your ceiling, Aggies. Live with it.
• Curmudgeon Bo Pelini, tired of questions about who will start at quarterback for Nebraska, will play 10 offensive linemen and a running back against Western Kentucky.

Around the Country:

• Boise State and Ohio State will play for the national championship, with Ohio State winning. Sweater vest popularity hits an all-time high. Blue fields forced to wait another year.
• Heisman Finalists: Case Keenum (UH), Terrell Pryor (OSU), Kellen Moore (Boise St.), and my super dark horse candidate…Trent Richardson (Alabama). Pryor wins. Mark Ingram wonders if it’s too late to declare for last April’s draft.
• TCU fans will be up in arms when their undefeated Horned Frogs are left out of the national championship game after withstanding such road tests as SMU, Colorado State, and New Mexico. Utah might be a test, right?
• Jenga and Hungry, Hungry Hippos become the best selling toys in Alabama’s history.
• Mike Leach will be fired by CBS Sports after attempting to lock a production assistant in an electrical closet because she called in sick to work.
• LSU will be punished by the NCAA for trying to sneak an unemployed JaMarcus Russell onto the field against Alabama. Officials will become suspicious when they realize the quarterback weighs more than any LSU offensive lineman and insists on bringing his own “water” bottle on the field to help him with a bad cough.

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