Holland Crew Football

Quick, what’s the University of Louisiana at Monroe’s mascot?

thinking…thinking…thinking…

Okay, can you name what conference they play in?

uhhhh…

Anyone who takes the time to Google “ULM” will have accomplished three things: 1. Found the mascot to be the Warhawk. 2. Learned that they play in the Sun Belt Conference. 3. Will have spent more time researching the ULM football team than Mack Brown.

Let’s not kid ourselves. This is preseason. There is no point breaking down match-ups against a team that finished last season 4-8, including a 59-0 flogging by Colt McCoy’s backup at Ole Miss. They are not good. Texas is a 41 point favorite. And that’s only because oddsmakers believe Mack to be kind and merciful to those less fortunate…in other words, “un-Stoops-like”. After the first quarter, the biggest crowd reaction will probably come if the “Kick Heard Round the World” contestant wins free airline tickets or chicken or orphans, whatever the giveaway is this season. That’s not to imply that this game doesn’t mean anything. We all know Texas is going to win. That’s not my concern. Here are some of the things I’m excited to see:

• Colt’s Last Opener. This weekend I pointed to my ESPN the magazine and asked my son if he knew who that was on the cover. He had a hint of recognition, but couldn’t come up with the name. When I said “Colt McCoy,” he smiled and said “Oh yeah, cool.” I mention this for two reasons. First, I felt it necessary that I should shame myself humbly before you for raising a son who, at 8 years old, could not immediately recite Colt’s name, cell phone number, Facebook status and underwear preference. My bad. Second, this is the last preseason college football cover that we’ll see him on. The national media may joke that it seems like he’s been in a Longhorns uniform since the late 90s, but to me it sure has passed quickly. I doubt we’ll ever see another UT quarterback arrive on campus further under the radar, and leave so firmly entrenched in Longhorn football history. While most of us die-hards were living and dying by the fluctuations in Ryan Perrilloux’s verbal commitment in 2005, a kid we barely knew from Tuscola was quietly preparing to attend his dream school where no promises were made for playing time, just a chance to compete — even if it would likely be against the “#1 high school quarterback” in his same entering class. He wanted to be a Horn. In the end, Perrilloux didn’t. Fine by me. We should all soak up every minute left in the Colt McCoy era. Let’s hope he goes out with a trophy or two. In related news, Perrilloux has been suspended from his season opener…at Jacksonville State. Holla!

• The Defense. I know it’s an inferior opponent that we are talking about here, but in some ways that might tell us a lot about this unit’s approach. If Texas is going to win a title this year, Big 12 or BCS, this defense will have to stop some crazy good offenses. OU, OSU, A&M (ha, just kidding), and likely Florida. To win a national championship, they will have to stop, or at least slow down, the past two Heisman winners, including one who has Jesus in his Fave Five plan. What that means is that they need to develop a focus and attitude quickly. If they fart around for three hours and let ULM score in double digits, I don’t think that speaks well to their mindset. I’ve always hated the idea of playing down to your opponent. Their starters couldn’t play on our third string for Tebow’s sake. Shut them out. End of story.

• The New Field. It’s official. I now have more DKR grass in my backyard than DKR. I’ve struggled with this decision to move to field turf. Even if it meant that I got to line up for an hour and a half after the Spring Game, waiting for them to tear up the field so that I could purchase a square foot of heaven that my dog now pees on every morning. Can’t we just tell Friday Night Lights to film their state championship game somewhere else next year? I actually kind of liked the uncertainty of field conditions on real grass. And it’s not like they are hurting for the cash to maintain the surface. I know it’s supposed to be the best of the best, but at some level it just feels…artificial. My freshman year at UT, the stadium had artificial turf. Since my dorm was across the street and the field was open most days, we used to walk over in the afternoon and throw a ball around or kick field goals. Unless they are going to let me start coming over to kick field goals again, I’m not sure I like this idea. (And for the record, I was good from 50 yards. No shit.)

• Garrett’s First Opener. You may have heard that USC will be starting a true freshman quarterback for the first time in its history. Matt Barkley must be pretty good to start as a true freshman for the #4 team in the country, huh? You may have also heard in the countless ESPN stories that Matt was the Gatorade National Player of the Year. He was. In 2007-08. As a junior. His senior year, those accolades were won by Garrett Gilbert. While Garrett may not have his face plastered all over ESPN (yet), here are a few things you may not know about our backup quarterback. He’s the all-time leading passer in Texas high school football history. He won his last 30 games at Lake Travis High School, including back-to-back state titles.  He performed open heart surgery in a crowded opera house using only a ballpoint pen. Okay, that last one isn’t true, but here’s the deal — he’s really good. And he’s coming in under ideal circumstances. Who better to learn from your freshman year than Colt McCoy? Hell, Colt even grew a porn stache during fall practice just to look older. If all goes as planned Garrett should get to play significant minutes on Saturday and may even be allowed to throw the ball. I remember watching Vince Young play late in his freshman opener. You couldn’t take your eyes off him. He was very raw, but talented enough to produce three or four “WOW” plays. Anyone who watched knew he would be special. I hope we get that chance with Garrett. I hope he comes in and throws an 80-yard bomb on his first play. I hope I “coincidentally” run into him later that night and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.

Back later this week with predictions for Week 1 around the Big 12.

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